Dear Friendly Reader,
So I'm back. The last column depressed me so much that I didn't write for several days. Knowing subconsciously in my heart that psychology and self-assurance are evil I became mired in ennui.
Some mysterious men defiantly didn't come to my house and force me to go to a Dynanetics center and get audited. I did this of my own free accord. I am now much more stable and able to write the remainder of my article correctly.
As a well constructed immortal spiritual being who understands all the brilliance of L.Ron. lets get started with my reviews of the rest of the Oscar nominations.
They will be grated on a scale of great to exceptionally, classically great.
The Hurt Locker:
Insanely great, don't say it wasn't, they'll hear you. It was great great.
Up in the Air:
Immensely Great, so great that I had trouble dealing with the crushing feeling of loss I had after the film ended.
Precious: Wildly, Viciously great. Will never be forgotten in the annuals of time, will live longer than Shakespeare. The classic work of art for its genre: kid hating.
Inglorious Basterd: So great that my hands shake as I type knowing that Hollywood and its glorious love can construct something that is worth more than the breath in my lungs.
A Serious Man: Greaty great great, so great that I didn't realize that I just pissed myself.
Well folks there you have it. Hollywood is great. L. Ron is my prophet, the world is now at peace, and some how somebody thinks Steve Martin should still be receiving money for accomplishing nothing. Accept your movie overlords and know that they have blessed you with these priceless works of art because they love you.
Your corporate sponsors for this article were Babyboomers: we just can't ever stop fucking everything up, Dynetics: love it or else, and facetiousness.
May the Aliens bless you.
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