You people should consider yourselves lucky that I'm granting you an audience tomorrow rather than twenty years from now.

Here is my attempt at an interview with Steve Jobs Yesterday because of the new space tablet that will change all of our lives because a well executed hundred and seventy million dollar ad campaign says so:

I called the Apple headquarters number, I assume that it is in California, but it seemed that the person I was talking to was not in America.

After a robot told me in a very classy and placid voice that my phone call may be recorded for "customer service purposes" I then hit fifteen different commands on my cell that I believed would direct me to the wizard.

Emsa: Hello this is Emsa with customer service, how can I assist you?

ME: I want to talk to Stevey.

Emsa: Excuse me?

ME: I'd like to talk to my father Steven Jobs.

Emsa: You're Steve Job's son?

ME: Yes, well, he doesn't know that but see I'm from the future-

That's when she hung up. So, look all I'm saying is that I am a smartass with time on my hands and a faux hawk five years too late but have you seen Jobs? He sits in front of a giant projection screen of himself. He brings out future tech so that all of us towheads can look up and gawk with our mouths open. He is obviously not from this dimension or , at least, from this time period, so listen up Apple customer service if a guy can go from building calculators that can out think physicists in his basement in the valley to owning the western economy with his star trek pads and Ozian stage displays; then there is a fifty fifty shot that he has kids from the future.

Thank you,
Journalism.