A Special Message from Our God Football

Hello every one,
I'll be guest writing this column, and as you can guess for that vacant-eyed photo to my right, it's me! The Tebow: your favorite Lord of Christian goondom, overrated footballia, and nightmarish haircuttrias. I have taken the time to put on a shirt and my signature guy-liner black baindaid eye make up, (its not sissy, its tough football stuff, I think, that's why I write creepy bible passages on it) so that I can deliver a special message to you.

A message so special that me and my mom and her friends at Focus on the Family, (a semi-facist, Christian think tank full of other over-privledged, vacant, spooky eyed goons) spent 2.8 million dollars to play it during the superbowl.

But I need to get the message out there, everyway that I can, that's why I'm writing on this blog normally written by a a kid that once had to go to the hospital for shoving peas in his nose (editor note: then why did god make peas perfect nostril size, hmmm? No Seriously answer me right the fuck now god, I'm dead fucki-) uuuhh, but anyway I'm using this opportunity to talk about my important message.

It's this: aborted babies can never ever grow up to be the quarterback of a college football team. They can't go fishing or secretly hate black people. They can never have that first exciting moment of having super hot girls throw themselves at you and then you have to be like no I'm saving myself for god and my wife, and then they like take they're shirt off and you don't feel anything, all you can think about is Deshaun your roommate, and you tell your mom this, and she just keeps crying and changing the subject. Aborted babies also can't never dance and laugh and sing and get insane concussions or work for Google.

Aborted babies can't do anything. Don't be lame, keep popping out babies for no apparent reason other than you because you can.

Thanks Alex for letting me get this message out there, I love every non-aborted baby, Hail Satan.